Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Observing a Halakha Class Gone CREYZEY!

Its 1:00 A.M. in the middle of the night now, i should be long asleep, but i couldnt fall asleep. I was too busy playing over an argument in my head that i had today with my halaha teacher. I was coming up with better and better arguments, but the problem is halaha class is over. so i will take it out on you, dear blog. In halakha class we entered a discussion of halakhic prenuptial agreement. "Rabbi Goldberg? So there is this yeshivish opposition against a halakhic prenup..." "Yes, like me?" R' G interrupted as he took his seat by the teachers desk. R' G is short, bearded, funny, knows his halakha (very hashkafically) and the girls love him. After hearing his answers today, my respect for him gradually dwindled down with every close minded statement he made. Hello! "the halakha does not obligate a man to give a get. It is mentchlichkeit and common sense to do so when a wife asks for one, but the halaha does not obligate him." I noticed my fingers were starting to shake with anger, irritation and impatience. "If a man wants custody over his children and the wife is making it impossible, or she is poisoning the children against the husband, the sane thing would do would be for him to use the get as a tool to get custody." I almost puked right there and then. You know sometimes people say things and you have to play it over in your head, cuz it makes absolutely no sense! He finally let me talk, "Rachel is itching to answer." I hate his snide comments! I hope i was not being too disrespectful. But it is difficult to have an equal argument when you are not allowed to interrupt. "A get should not be used as any tool for anything, that's not a gets point! he has problems, so take care of it in court, not through the refusal of a get. That's insane!" He had his reasons for opposition, sources he refused to cite. And the reasons were not valid, i tell you. "In certain circles the prenup is common," "Yes, in the YU world." I added R' Goldberg looked at me, "But that is a very small world, indeed." He continued, "The hassidic community is much much bigger." Well, duh! they have a system, they beat the guy up till he consents to grant a get, and therefore the agunah issue is not so grand there. in israel men are imprisoned, or even locked up in solitary confinement unless they give a get. by the modern people they date for centuries so they often avoid the problem altogether. It is actually a small circle, us yeshivish litvaks that are victimized to this issue, and you seem to be ignoring the solution. I didn't say any of this because i havent thought of it then. only after processing it with a close friend, she verbalized this. "I got a letter asking to convince my rosh yeshiva's grandson to give a get. I threw that letter in the trash, and so would my parents and anyone else who got the letter. We dont know the insides of the story, and just because he wont give a get right away, doesnt give everyone a right to call her an agunah." (i know, right? can you believe he actually said that?) I was bouncing in my chair, sweating, angry and shocked. "A man deserves custody, and he should use a get as a tool to get that." "But Rabbi Goldberg! When i will iy"h walk down my chuppah, i dont want the threat of the potential eventuality of my becoming an agunah! And this prenup can help! It's like a vaccine! And its not like when you are signing it you are suspecting your future husband of refusing a get, you are doing it for the better good so it will be standard procedure. But if you are with someone who for some reason does not want to sign it then you dont want to marry him!" "Well then, Rachel. When you will iy"h get married, with the permission of your parents and the mechutonim, sign that prenup." I was glad he said that. Anyway, i feel much better now and am pretty sure my insomnia disturbance is gone.

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